In late-breaking news (and by late-breaking I mean that this is from ages ago and I was too lazy to finish writing it), a journalist has thrown his shoes at President George Bush.  This was not an adoring toss like you’d expect would occur with women’s panties should I happen to step on stage, but instead an enraged political statement.  The shoes, hurled at the President’s face with amazing accuracy, barely missed their mark as Bush deftly avoided them with well-timed ducking.  It is assumed he has become skilled at ducking after having ducked so many important criticisms of his administration for over eight years, giving him plenty of practice.

The mainstream media was endlessly reporting about what a huge insult it is to hurl shoes at someone in the context of Middle Eastern culture, because apparently it is considered a social grace to hurl one’s shoes in the United States.  Perhaps my grocery clerk will be a bit more friendly now that I know to adopt this practice on our next meeting, and I thoroughly hope she accepts my polite shoe-hurling with an equally civil delivery of battery acid to my face or perhaps a simple right hook.  But yes, we get it, foreigners hate feet, and slimy American imperialist swine apparently have only affection for them.

At this point I can only speculate, not because there is no information regarding this, but because I am too lazy to read it, but I assume the journalist was only following proper Bush administration protocol.  He was following the Bush doctrine to the letter.  You see, the journalist was forced to preemptively throw his shoes in fear that Bush had feet coverings of mass production. The alarms of mass production were sounded when Colin Powell delivered an invocation to the journalist commenting on all the trucks that were moving around the United States, perhaps filled with shoes, or even worse, socks.  The sole purpose of the strike was to prevent any such proliferation of dangerous feet coverings.

Upon discovering that Bush had no feet coverings of mass production, however, the journalist quickly justified his actions by citing the fact that he was only liberating his shoes from oppression. He hopes that he can appoint his brother’s cleaning crew to the reconstruction job, with the task of recovering the shoes and rebuilding the shambled President’s approval ratings.  But in a strange twist of fate, the journalist has been greeted as a liberator by his people, while Bush, despite claims otherwise, is still widely regarded as a complete moron and a thug.

I can’t wait until we have a President for whom shoe-hurling would seem a strange, out-of-place occurrence.  Unfortunately this seems right at home with the current administration.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 18th, 2008 at 8:00 AM and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.