May 16
This Monday, Rush Limbaugh took a vacation from his daily radio show, having a golem constructed from congealed pig diarrhea take over his hosting duties (few noticed he was gone), to attend a ceremony in Jefferson City, Missouri, in which he was inducted into the Hall of Famous Missourians. Limbaugh joins a select group of …
May 08
Tonight, North Carolinians overwhelmingly voted for an amendment that would ban gay marriage. North Carolina had outlawed gay marriage previously, but this vote codified the ban into the state’s constitution, making the law harder to repeal. Now, when the next, more enlightened generation tries to overturn the gay marriage ban—because in AD 2032 they’re frankly …
Apr 30
Several thousand Christians have taken their own lives after a recent lecture given to journalism students by prominent sex columnist and gay rights supporter Dan Savage. During the lecture, Savage viciously bullied Christians by calling the Bible “bullshit”. When several Christians huffed repeatedly and said “Well, I never!” while walking out on his talk, Savage …
Apr 05
When you hear the word slime, you probably think of a fresh sneeze, or green goop, or, if you’re weird and really into Freud, that your mother didn’t wipe your ass nearly to your satisfaction as a baby. What you most certainly do not think is “That sounds like something that belongs in my mouth!” …
Apr 03
The Supreme Court heard arguments last week over the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act (ACA), otherwise known as Obamacare, Abominationcare, Get-the-Government-Out-of-My-Underwear-and-Doctor’s-Office-care, and several other pseudonyms that cannot be repeated because they sprinkle around the N-word liberally before appending the hyphenated monstrosity with the suffix “-care”. Perhaps in an effort to legitimate its adjectival description, …
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