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Panelist 1: I hereby convene this death panel.
Panelist 2: And yet you forego the traditional ceremonial practice of drinking a glass of blood to open the meeting, saturday delivery Smok-OX. Purchase Smok-OX online, Panelist 3: I think we all had enough blood to drink at lunch.
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Panelist 3: I'm sorry, Smok-OX in japan, Where to buy Smok-OX, but we have to make at least a minimal effort to give health care to some of these grannies. Of course, Smok-OX in mexico, Buy cheap Smok-OX, there is a time and place for setting various grannies alight if that is financially prudent, but we can't simply assume a pyre of all grannies will offer the most benefits and least costs, Smok-OX trusted pharmacy reviews. Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription, Gasoline, after all, is expensive, and grannies are slow to burn, unlike those soft, flammable Down Syndrome babies; they just light up like tiny little Roman candles. Purchase Smok-OX online no prescription, Panelist 2: Look, the only reason I signed on for this death panel gig was to burn some grannies, online buy Smok-OX without a prescription. Smok-OX in canada, If you want to provide health care to some of them, you go ahead and do that, Smok-OX to buy online, Buy cheap Smok-OX no rx, but the health care bill was pretty explicit in endorsing universal mandatory granny burning. The Democrats are only considering dropping the public option provision, sale Smok-OX, Smok-OX in uk, not the universal granny burning provision.
Panelist 1: Do the two of you never stop bickering, Smok-OX in india. Let us please try to discuss the Granny issue rationally, Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription. Buy Smok-OX online without prescription, This is America, after all, Smok-OX in usa, Smok-OX buy, where things have always been discussed rationally and never exaggerated, overblown, buy Smok-OX without prescription, Smok-OX paypal, or distorted by media outlets.
Panelist 2: (Incredulously) America?, Smok-OX from international pharmacy. Smok-OX from canadian pharmacy, Everyone knows we're actually Nazi Germany now. The renaming was established on page 423 of the health care bill: "Verily, buy Smok-OX no prescription, Buy Smok-OX from canada, with the passing of this bill, thou shalt rename thy country 'Nazi Germany'." Plus it shouldn't be a surprise that this country is no longer America, order Smok-OX online c.o.d, Smok-OX san diego, seeing as how we elected someone who was actually born in Kenya to the highest office. I can't believe the conservatives didn't uncover our Kenyan plant in the government sooner! In the next election we may even get our Nigerian puppet in office, after sending emails to all American voters about how they need to provide their bank account numbers, buy Smok-OX online without a prescription, Smok-OX over the counter, social security number, and vote Democrat if they wish to receive the $1, order Smok-OX no prescription, Smok-OX pills, 000,000 left for them in a Nigerian bank by their long-lost Nigerian relative, ordering Smok-OX online. Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription, Panelist 3: Obama from Kenya. Smok-OX prescriptions, Don't be so foolish. That Kenyan birth certificate was a total fraud and a joke, buy Smok-OX from mexico. Online buying Smok-OX hcl, Besides, everyone knows that Obama was actually born in hell, over the counter Smok-OX, Order Smok-OX from United States pharmacy, him being the antichrist and all. This is why we liberals loyally serve him, O Dark Master, real brand Smok-OX online. Free Smok-OX samples, Panelist 2: Regardless, we still need to go through this list of grannies and assign them to various forms of death, Smok-OX discount. Like the health care bill noted, this is the most effective way of reducing costs associated with health care, Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription. Purchase Smok-OX, Panelist 1: Now wait just a second. We can't just kill these grannies in whatever way suits you, next day Smok-OX. Where can i buy Smok-OX online, We have to kill only those grannies that are likely to incur the most health care costs, and kill them in a manner that is cheap and affordable, where can i order Smok-OX without prescription. Smok-OX in australia, Contrary to prior belief, killing grannies is actually quite costly, buy no prescription Smok-OX online. Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription, Did you know that socialized medicine in other countries often spends as much as $12 for every granny killed? When you consider those costs with the fact that putting grannies in a hamster wheel to generate electricity can save $20 on a yearly electricity bill, you have to wonder if we should be so quick to kill all grannies. Smok-OX gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, Panelist 2: It's true. Plus, buy Smok-OX online cod, Buy Smok-OX online without a prescription, in order to be euthanized, the grannies have to wait in endless, fast shipping Smok-OX, Smok-OX prescriptions, government-run lines, stretching for miles. In some cases these grannies may have to wait for months and years just to get their much-needed euthansia services from the government. This is what happens with government-run euthanasia. If only we could just hire someone from the private sector, Smok-OX in usa, Smok-OX price, coupon, like Blackwater, to ice those grannies. It worked for Bush in Iraq, saturday delivery Smok-OX, Smok-OX in australia, after all! But that would not go over well with our liberal, health-care-waiting-list-loving constituents. Those crazy hippies just love waiting in lines, buying Smok-OX online over the counter. Smok-OX craiglist, Panelist 3: We may have to set up a private sector granny-euthanizing system, to help placate those rich, Republican grannies who want to be euthanized without government involvement by private entities. It's a compromise to consider. Plus with a little granny euthanasia competition, perhaps the industry could be spurred to more and more efficient granny destruction.
Panelist 1: I'll have to run that by the granny death squad czar.
Panelist 2: Okay, okay, but let's just get on with it! (Reaches for a file from the large folder.) Here. This is Granny Mae's medical file. (Pauses to think a bit.) I say we burn her, Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription.
Panelist 3: Shouldn't we determine whether she weighs as much as a duck fir...
Panelist 1: No! We can't burn Granny Mae. Are you ignoring the details of her file? She's white! Everyone knows that the new liberal medical affirmative action program detailed on page 342 of the bill mandates that illegal immigrants and minorities get first dibs on our euthanasia services. No more will the white man be privileged.
Panelist 3: I think you mean the white man or woman. We have to be sure to be gender neutral when talking about our white privilege.
Panelist 1: This is true. As such, though, Grannie Mae must be placed last on the waiting list for euthanasia. Unfortunately we will have to ration our granny-killing squad, and only those most in need of a granny killing will receive it. Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription, Panelist 2: Oh, I hope those conservatives don't hear about this. Soon they'll be bitching about rationed care, talking about the tragedy of the commons and what-not. When everyone has access to euthanasia, you don't take care of it or take responsibility for it, they'll say, and sooner or later the euthanasia will be so degraded and corrupted by misuse that it will amount to hitting old ladies with mittens and nerfballs or else trying to set them on fire withice water. If only economics didn't constantly try to foil our death panel decisions.
Panelist 3: Wait. Do you... Do you smell that.
Panelist 2: It smells like burning. Mmm! The fresh smell of grannies.
Panelist 3: That's not grannies. It appears that I'm the one on fire, Buy Smok-OX Without Prescription.
Panelist 2: Well, would you look at that! So am I.
Panelist 1: Okay, I might as well tell you guys. You are both too old. So I had to set you on fire. We decided this in the upper hierarchy of death panels that oversees this lower death panel.
Panelist 3: I'm just glad that my insurance costs for this procedure will be covered by the government health care plan! I'm not sure my family could afford the matches and combustibles that made this possible.
Panelist 1: (Dousing himself with gasoline.) Yes, our new health care plan is a great boon to everyone, in part because of our efforts on the death panel. Thankfully, I too was chosen to be euthanized. I myself was the deciding vote! To think they tried to deny my chance at euthanasia, and cost-saving, merely because I am 1/4th white. It's almost reverse discrimination.
Panelist 2: Just think, under the old plan of private, employer-based insurance, we would have been denied coverage for this euthanasia! They would have killed us the old-fashioned way, by simply denying us any insurance for our pre-existing conditions and finding ways to weasel out of paying for important procedures or covering claims! A panel of insurance company claims adjusters would gather, not unlike we gather here, decide who gets coverage based on their health histories and physical examinations, and pore over claims to deny in an effort to preserve profit margins! Can you imagine such a world? A world where panels actually convene to kill grannies.
Panelist 1: I simply cannot imagine such a thing. Insurance companies denying coverage to the sick and the poor, charging unreasonable premiums that most can't afford, and in effect sentencing these people to a slow, euthanized death? I can't imagine what that could possibly be like.
Suddenly, there is silence. The death panelists are reduced to ash. A large group of identically dressed janitors enters, all of them wearing jumpsuits with sickle and hammer logos on the breast, and they slowly and incompetently attempt to sweep up the ashes, inefficiently and haphazardly moving about as they are shouted at by multitudes of bureaucrats with megaphones giving them conflicting directions, while those bureaucrats are shouted at by further bureaucrats with conflicting suggestions, and so on into infinity, until eventually, after years of random, erratic sweeping, the ashes have finally been swept up into a neat pile, and the next death panel enters, armed with a new stack of granny-euthanasia files, ready to fulfill their duty as death panelists to kill as many grannies as possible..
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1 comment
Blinkfenix
7 September, 2009 at 6:18 PM (UTC -6) Link to this comment
Even though i hail from Ontario Canada, and health care isnt like that, i here many stories on the news about american healthcare system and how totally stupid it is. It’s highly unfortunate that this could not be printed in a newspaper or something. It’s quite entertaining, not too mention very close to reality.
keep up the good work.