Apr 05
When you hear the word slime, you probably think of a fresh sneeze, or green goop, or, if you’re weird and really into Freud, that your mother didn’t wipe your ass nearly to your satisfaction as a baby. What you most certainly do not think is “That sounds like something that belongs in my mouth!” …
Mar 27
Geraldo, the man best known for mustache, ‘stache, moustache, and the hair on his upper lip, has been in the news lately for his suggestion that Trayvon Martin’s tragic death is largely the fault of his hooded outerwear. The comment was briskly torn apart by several rabid wolverwines, followed by 90% of Twitter, everyone who …
Mar 16
You’re severely drunk and conservative. You’re driving down the highway at 90 miles per hour in your Hummer, dangerously weaving in and out of lanes while popping Oxycontin into your mouth like Pez. Suddenly, you’re being pulled over by a police officer. As you drunkenly stumble out of your car, the first thing you say …
Feb 26
The Academy Awards are tonight, but I am unable to take them seriously this year. Typically, I respect the choices that are made for Oscar winners and nominees. The Academy Awards tend to actually give out awards to nominees who deserve recognition. Other award ceremonies, like the Grammys for instance, tend to focus more on …
Feb 26
Drive is one of those films that divides audiences. One half of the audience will be vomiting in disgust while the other half cheers and gives a standing ovation. Many people who have seen this film are baffled by many aspects of the movie—its 80s motif set in modern times, the pregnant pauses in conversation, …
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